It a was a windy morning in Destin, Florida, and God was quite cranky. The citizens had been partying too much last night, and it had taken all his efforts to keep things in order. Besides, this was one of those nights he felt like it would have been nice to take a nap. Even God needed a break!
But there were things that needed to get done. Those humans were incapable of taking care of themselves. Where is my coffee, he roared! (You know, God always roars when he is in a bad mood!)
The angels were afraid to respond, but there was one who was concerned about the bad things the would happen if God did not have his coffee. Angel Norah knew that if she did not do something there would be a storm that would destroy everything in the town of Destin, even its wonderful white beaches. There would be thunder and rain, and a wind that would shake the very ground that the trees and buildings stood on. The citizens of Destin could be in for a boatload of trouble.
The Angel Norah rose to the occasion. She knew that decaf would not be good enough this morning. (And God also loved his cream and sugar!) And the coffee had to be fresh. The decoction coffee from the previous evening would not do. She found the percolator, and some fair-trade coffee from the Congo, the best coffee there was! An extra spoon of coffee powder went into the machine and, also, a special filter that was supposed to have magical qualities.
The coffee brewed while God tried to shake the cobwebs away, grumbling to himself all the while. Those crazy humans. He wished he had never created them. They had been nothing but trouble so far!
The coffee was ready, finally! Angel Norah looked for a cup to pour it into. It had to be big enough for God. She felt that he needed a lot of caffeine that morning. The coffee cup with the picture of the tasmanian devil was the biggest one around, but Angel Norah did not wish to get God even angrier. After all, he hated the devil in all its forms. So, she settled for the cup that said “Have a nice day”, hoping that it would put God in a better mood.
The coffee was poured. Some skim milk was added. (Whole milk was out of the question. God had to watch his weight!) Angel Norah looked for the brown sugar. She could not find it. She would have to settle for the regular refined kind. But even that was hard to find. Darn, she said! (Angels have to be careful about using swear words, you see.) There was only Splenda around. That would have to do.
God was still mumbling to himself when Angel Norah brought his coffee to him. Her hands shaking, she handed a full cup. God took a sip from the steaming cup. He had been looking forward to this. A strange look came upon his face. It began to turn to purple. Sparks began to fly from his beard. Lightning shot into the sky from his hair. I fear the Splenda was not to his liking.
He turned his head and spit the coffee into the Gulf. He threw the rest of the coffee into the water. The pelicans flew out of the way of the falling coffee. The waters of the Gulf of Mexico turned to brown. The waves rose angrily and raced towards the shore, and washed the brown water on to the beaches of Destin. And the white sand turned to brown! And people who were walking on the beach (those that had not partied the previous night and caused all these problems) wondered what was going on on.
But, you and I know that this is what happens when you make God angry and he spills his coffee!
Splattered Brains 