A Thin Line Between Belief and Reality

The body is running on reserves.  The breathing happens in fits and starts, but it is strong when it happens. There is a determined rising of the chest.  There is no struggle.  There has been very little movement in the rest of the body for some time, but his right foot moved when I was least expecting it.  I keep a steady eye on him.  I believe he is listening when I speak.

I ask him to move his foot if he can hear me, and there is a clear movement of the foot.  As I am departing I wish him my final goodbye.  I tell him that all is good and that there is no need to worry.  He has our best wishes for the rest of his trip.  He is more than half way there at this point.  I see see his face crinkle up for an instant.  I am pretty sure I did not imagine it.  It must have taken a lot of effort.  He must have heard me.

Farewell Uncle.


Waiting For The Inevitable

The machine feeding air through little tubes into both nostrils (tubes so small, they seem so inadequate) plays the rhythm of a regular beat in the background.  It’s repetitive sound is like that of the bellows of a pump, and it sounds like it is coming from far off in the distance, from outside the room.

Eyes are closed, and he is seemingly at peace, who knows what if anything is going through his mind.  Can he hear the voices speaking to him?  Give us a sign, a smile.  I know we are being selfish.

There is the silent scream as pain wracks the body while I watch. It is visible only in the eyes.

And then it is back to a to a deep, deep, sleep that nothing, not even my melodious (maybe only to me :-)) voice, can disturb – must be the effect of the pain medications.

Death hovers in the background, waiting patiently as the body slowly consumes its reserves of energy, waiting for the inevitable.

May it be a peaceful one.

The Falling Leaves

A dear friend of mine lost his mother recently.  Death is but a part of Life, but knowing this does not make the event any easier to deal with.  But even in the grieving that takes place when this happens, one also celebrates the life that was lived.

The falling of the autumn leaves and this season of change are an especially poignant time to be reminded of the transient nature of life, and my friend has experienced both the beauty and sadness of this moment multiple times in the passing of both his parents during different Fall seasons.  And in going though this experience, he has also been blessed with many wonderful memories that come back to him, memories that will always be with him, memories that he shares with his family and friends.

Life does go on, and we will continue to celebrate it even as we remember our loved ones.  This one is for you my friend.

The falling leaves….